Grief and Gratitude

As I write these words, today is day 116 since my husband passed away. I’ve felt particularly sad and lonely today, which happens when I stay home all day and don’t keep busy, busy, busy. Obviously, activities and conversations mask the grief. But, oh my, I feel the full force of it when I’m alone and not focusing on projects and other tasks on my to-do list. But sometimes I have no choice but to let my tired body rest.

To escape the grief, I went to visit a friend in a nearby nursing home. She was delighted to see me, for she deals with griefs of her own. I was happy to be with her. We talked of many things as we sat outside while relaxing in the sunshine and listening to the birds chirping as they flew among the branches of the trees and boxwoods.

When I returned home, I noticed the first rose of the season on the bush my husband had planted years ago. My heart filled with happiness when I saw it, thankful that the work he had done long ago was lifting my spirits. I looked around the yard and saw not one, but two, pink and white amaryllis blooms--bigger than my palm--with other buds in the background. Once again, I felt grateful for his planting them.

As with most things these days, even a happy thought of days gone by can lead to tears as I realize those days are gone. He will plant no more flowers. But I can enjoy the ones he planted, even as I brush away the tears. 

Every day, I see other gifts he left behind, each a reminder of his love. And I whisper a heartfelt thank you to him and to God who gave us many years together as husband and wife, years when we made wonderful, now bittersweet, memories.

Guard and Guide

A friend told me that her daughter-in-law's cancer had come back and, thus, required another round of chemo. Then she said, "I'm praying for God's mercy and grace as He walks with her through this."

Her words triggered a memory of a painting that was on the wall of my Aunt Delia and Uncle Howard's bedroom when I was a child. Enthralled, I'd gaze at that lovely picture of a beautifully-robed angel hovering over two young children as they crossed a narrow, rickety footbridge that spanned turbulent water. I hadn't thought about that painting in years, but I'm glad I remembered it. 

As I reflected on it, I realized anew that many people, like the children depicted in the painting, are walking a scary part of their journey. The daughter-in-law who's battling cancer---again. The parents whose 10-year-old son was killed in a rodeo accident. An 85-year-old who's facing major surgery. A widowed wife and her young children....

I felt prompted to read Scriptures that speak about God's presence with us in times of trouble. Psalm 23:4 was especially comforting.

After reading that verse and several others, I prayed:

Oh, Lord God, thank You for the love that motivates You to walk with us along life's journey.

I lift up all those who need extra watching over while they're traveling through dark and scary places. Do give them the strength to carry on. Guide their steps. Comfort them with Your presence. Help them to realize they do not walk alone.

Sweet Memories

As I’m writing this, it’s Mother’s Day 2020, and there’s a lump in my throat. Although this is my 10th Mother’s Day without my sweet Mama and my 5th year without my sweet mother-in-law who was like a mother to me, I still miss them. Remembering them is bittersweet. Gratitude fills me as I look at photos of their dear faces and reflect on the things I learned from them and the kind things they did for me. And remembering the sweetness of their constant love causes me to miss them all the more.

That’s why the 7th verse in the 10th chapter of Proverbs attracted my attention. I’ve written about it before (see my blog post dated March 5, 2015), but I’m sharing the verse again since I so agree with the truth it expresses. The memories of these dear ones continue to bless me even now as their influence lingers on.

Perhaps you, too, have sweet memories of people who were precious to you. If so, then I know you’ll agree, as I do, with these words written centuries ago:

Farther Along

When someone is going through a difficult situation, it's hard to know what to say to them, isn't it? While we want desperately to encourage them, we don't want to glibly spout words of wisdom, unintentionally implying that if we were in their situation we'd know how to handle our suffering far better than they are handling theirs. 

However, suffering people find it easier to accept wise counsel from someone who has also suffered deeply and, in the process, found wisdom he or she can pass along to others. For example, while William Buel Stevens, who wrote the song Farther Along, was in his late teens, he suffered two great losses. His uncle died suddenly of heart disease at age 48. A couple of years later, the uncle's 17-year-old son died the same way. Perhaps those experiences prompted Stevens to write the song that shows he understands our grief when the death of loved ones leaves our homes so lonely and drear. 

He understands when we wonder why we suffer while others seem to prosper, when we wonder why we're tempted and tested "all the day long," and when we wonder why we must endure great discomforts. Although it's natural to think such thoughts, Stevens shares a lesson he learned: Cheer up! Live in the sunshine of God's love. 

It's a rocky and steep climb
to the top of Mount Washburn
in Yellowstone National Park.
Elevation: over 10,000 feet

I take that to mean: Let God be the light you need for the journey. Let His light push away the darkness and doubt you feel. Walk steadily onward on the path marked out for you. Know full well that farther along you will gain a better perspective about your path. You will understand more and more that God walks that difficult road with you, that God loves you, and that God never leaves you nor forsakes you. Rejoice in His presence with you and His power to sustain you.

To hear Johnny Cash sing Farther Along, click here. 

Take It Good

Today I've thought so much about my sweet mama who died eight years ago on this date (January 9). It's hard to believe she's been gone that long. Sometimes, when the grief is deep and raw, as it has been today, it seems that she died days ago. Sometimes it seems that she's been gone much longer than 8 years.

As brokenhearted as I was to have to let Mama go, I was also thankful that God had called her home, thereby releasing her from the ravages of Alzheimer's. As much as I loved her, I could not wish her to come back--under the circumstances. Although her last years were not easy, Mama remained sweet and gentle, never argumentative or combative or complaining or demanding or asking, "Why me?"

As I remember Mama's last years, I realize that "She took it good," as my mother-in-law used to say. I am so thankful she did. I pray that when I am in difficult circumstances, I will remain sweet and "take it good," like Mama did.

If We Could See and Know...

I’m often overwhelmed by the sad news that reaches me daily, aren’t you?  One day when I felt particularly sad, the words to an old song I hadn’t thought about in a long time suddenly popped into my mind. 

Since I could recall only bits and pieces of it, I looked online and found a beautiful recording of it, which I enjoyed so much, as I hope you will:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3_KExHA6DU4

Since I wanted to be able to print all the words to the song so I could memorize them, I searched further and found them here: http://abigailmiller.com/content/62-if-we-could-see-beyond-today.

Although you and I can’t know why things happen or what the future holds, we can stay close to the One who knows and sees all things. He will comfort us and give us the strength we need to face each day.

For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord,

    my confidence since my youth.

6 

From birth I have relied on you...

Psalm 71:5, 6, NIV

Got a Problem?

As I sing the old, old hymns, which I love to do, I’m often struck by how the “human condition” hasn’t changed very much through the centuries. For example, in the song Tell It to Jesus, which was written by Edmund S. Lorenz in 1876, the writer asks questions that are still relevant to you and me today:

• Are you weary?Are you heavy-hearted?
• Are you grieving over joys departed?
• Do the tears flow down your cheeks unbidden?
• Have you sins that to men’s eyes are hidden?
• Do you fear the gath’ring clouds of sorrow?
• Are you anxious what shall be tomorrow?
• Are you troubled at the thought of dying?
• For Christ’s coming kingdom are you sighing?

Amazing, isn’t it, how current those questions are? Amazing, too, that the solution is also the same: Tell it to Jesus. In other words, talk to Him about whatever is heavy upon your heart and mind. He will understand. He will help you with whatever issues you’re facing.

~~~~~~~~

I sought the LORD,

and he answered me

and delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant,

And their faces shall never be ashamed.

~David (Psalm 34:4-5, ESV)

Remembering the Righteous

My heart was especially heavy one morning in mid-February because I was missing Mama and Daddy so much. Daddy had died first (March 6th) and Mama almost 29 years later on January 9th. So each year during the weeks surrounding the anniversary dates of their deaths, I feel so sad as I recall what happened around their deaths, how much I miss them, and how "orphaned" I often feel although many years have gone by since they passed away.

Thus, I was very comforted by a verse I read that particular morning: "The memory of the righteous is a blessing" (Proverbs 10:7, ESV). How true!

As I continue to think about my wonderful parents (and other dear ones who have departed this life), I realize anew how blessed I was—and am—for their influence upon my life. Goodness gracious! Even one-line descriptions of those blessings would fill several notebooks. And, as the verse says, even the memory itself is a blessing!

Therefore, I pause often to thank God for these special people, and hope that you, Dear Reader, pause to thank Him for yours.