Tough Love

Reflecting on the years she had children to care for, the guest on a radio program said, “I grew tired of struggling to get the children up, fed, dressed, and out the door on time for school. So, one Christmas my husband and I bought alarm clocks for each of them and said, ‘It’s your responsibility to get yourself up and to come to breakfast cheerily.’”

She didn’t say how that worked, but I’m assuming it did. If so, I’m sure everyone in that household felt less frustrated without the constant naggings that used to go on and without the frenzied rushes to get out the door. 

I wonder how that would have worked if Mama had given my sister and me the responsibility for getting ourselves up and to the breakfast table cheerily. I wonder how that would have worked if I had tried it with my own children. (One took responsibility for her wake-up schedule without being told; the other was more like me and required lots of trips to her bedroom door and lots of loud commands to “Get up NOW or you’re going to be late!”)

The earlier the children learn to take responsibility for their actions, the easier and quicker they learn that actions/decisions have consequences as well as rewards. The earlier they learn to face those consequences, the quicker they learn to collect what they need before heading out the door. For example: Forgot your lunch??? Too bad!

I never felt I could be that tough with my children--or grandchildren. No matter what they did (or didn’t do), I felt compelled to come to their aid. I thought that’s what loving parents did. But child-rearing experts recommend “tough love,” which requires parents to say, “I love you too much to allow you to continue behaving that way.” Now I see that nipping bad habits in the bud early on is much easier than trying to instill good habits in older children.

Tough love is painful for children and parents. Yet, it brings great rewards.  Even the Bible says so. Take Hebrews 12:11, for example, which says: Now no chastening [discipline] seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it" (emphasis added).

Note: We can also apply the "tough love" principle to ourselves!

Learn a Lesson from the Ruins

Like a city [or a building] 

whose walls are broken down 

is a [person] who lacks self-control.

Proverbs 25:28

Diligent Discipline

My frustration level soared this morning when I stepped on the scales and learned that I was one-fourth of a pound--a mere four ounces--over the weight loss goal I’d been trying for months to reach. AAAARGH!

Prior to stepping on the scales, I’d said to my husband, who knew how disappointed I’d been every morning for the past week when the scales showed I was less than one pound over the goal, “Surely, I’ll make goal this morning. If I don’t, I’m going to quit!!!”

But before he had a chance to respond, I said, “No, I won’t! I’d be foolish to give up when I’m sooo close to the goal.”

I renewed my commitment to try one more day and one more day...to get to the goal. And whenever I finally get there, I’ll say, “Wah-hoo!” and then set a new goal, one that’s five pounds lower than the current one. (Am I a glutton for punishment?)

Knowing I have a life-long tendency to abandon projects, even when finishing them is very doable, makes me even more determined to forge ahead with the disciplines required to reach my weight loss goal. I will remain diligent in regard to staying within calorie limits and getting adequate rest and exercise. As I continue to do what’s required to reach this goal, the stick-with-it mindset I’m forming will enable me to complete other projects, too.

           

A Bible verse I read this morning assures me there’s reward associated with stick-to-it-ive-ness. “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance…” (Proverbs 21:5, ESV). Since diligent discipline does pay off, I’ll wait—in hope—for success.

Note: The following morning I was actually one-fourth of a pound below my goal. I felt elated over that, of course, but the real gladness came from knowing I could discipline myself--and had--and, in the process, had been kind to my body by giving it the the food, rest, and exercise it needs to stay healthy.