Tough Love

Reflecting on the years she had children to care for, the guest on a radio program said, “I grew tired of struggling to get the children up, fed, dressed, and out the door on time for school. So, one Christmas my husband and I bought alarm clocks for each of them and said, ‘It’s your responsibility to get yourself up and to come to breakfast cheerily.’”

She didn’t say how that worked, but I’m assuming it did. If so, I’m sure everyone in that household felt less frustrated without the constant naggings that used to go on and without the frenzied rushes to get out the door. 

I wonder how that would have worked if Mama had given my sister and me the responsibility for getting ourselves up and to the breakfast table cheerily. I wonder how that would have worked if I had tried it with my own children. (One took responsibility for her wake-up schedule without being told; the other was more like me and required lots of trips to her bedroom door and lots of loud commands to “Get up NOW or you’re going to be late!”)

The earlier the children learn to take responsibility for their actions, the easier and quicker they learn that actions/decisions have consequences as well as rewards. The earlier they learn to face those consequences, the quicker they learn to collect what they need before heading out the door. For example: Forgot your lunch??? Too bad!

I never felt I could be that tough with my children--or grandchildren. No matter what they did (or didn’t do), I felt compelled to come to their aid. I thought that’s what loving parents did. But child-rearing experts recommend “tough love,” which requires parents to say, “I love you too much to allow you to continue behaving that way.” Now I see that nipping bad habits in the bud early on is much easier than trying to instill good habits in older children.

Tough love is painful for children and parents. Yet, it brings great rewards.  Even the Bible says so. Take Hebrews 12:11, for example, which says: Now no chastening [discipline] seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it" (emphasis added).

Note: We can also apply the "tough love" principle to ourselves!

Pair'em Up! Get'em Done!

A lady who sends frequent emails says she's trying something new this year. Instead of making resolutions, she's setting up habits that will help her accomplish things she needs to do. For example, instead of just resolving to "eat more fruits and vegetables this year," she's planning to develop the habit of snacking on a fruit or veggie each day at 3 p.m. While she's munching on a healthy snack, she's going to watch Lightroom videos so that she can learn more about photo editing. Pairing something she NEEDS to do (eat fruits and veggies) but is not likely to do with something she WANTS to do (and will do!) should strengthen the habit of eating healthy snacks. Smart, I'd say!

Most of us eagerly do what we want to do, but we aren't always so faithful in doing the things we know we should do but find it difficult to do. But if we pair something easy to do with something hard, we're more likely to do the hard thing, aren't we?

In light of that, I've enrolled in a program that encourages me to take 7500 steps (or more!) per day for at least 20 out of 30 days each month. I've committed to do that--and I will. However, since I'm not as faithful in having an extended prayer time each day, I'm going to pair the walking with talking with God.

Any ideas about what you can pair together? If so, please click on POST A COMMENT below and share your plans.

Stop. Think. Change.

Ever since I read Mike Ashcroft and Rachel Olsen’s excellent book, My One Word, I’ve chosen one word to focus on each year, as the authors suggest. The first year, I chose the word finish. Throughout each day of that year, I reminded myself to finish whatever could be completed at that time. Rather than flit from task to task, as I tend to do, I’d simply remind myself to finish! I noticed a big change in the amount of work I was able to get done. And I did my work more efficiently and with less stress.

The second year, I chose the word love. Many times each day, I’d look for ways to express love to people. Apparently, I did pretty well with that, for a Christmas card my husband and I received that year commended us for the many ways we extend love and care to others.

This year, I’ve chosen the word change. Whenever I catch myself doing or saying or feeling anything that's contrary to the better person I want to become, I’ll say to myself, “This is not good. Stop it! Change!” (After all, I do have a choice, and I can choose to feel and behave differently.)

By systematically making one change at a time, followed by another and another, it shouldn't be all that difficult. However, it will demand constant awareness--and constant follow through. And, of course, I'll need to continue to remind myself to finish and to love.

Thus says the LORD of hosts: "Consider your ways!"

Haggai 1:7, NKJV